Blog Titles for Next Week

PEDophiles: it’s time for doping-legal sports leagues

It Wasn’t Raining When Noah Built the Arc: doomsday prepping for coffee snobs

Why Are You Like This: summary and analysis from the second democratic primary debate

Things I Want To Say To The Guy In the Call Center at My Internet Service Provider (but can’t because he’s just a wage slave in a call center)

EPO is Cheaper Than an E-bike

Palm Oil Is Worse than Baby Oil (even if baby oil was made from literal babies)

How to Wage War on your ISP (and still be able to spend all day on Facebook)

Stop Buying Carbon Credits and Plant Some Fucking Trees

That Hat Looks Stupid but I Like That You’re, Like, Owning It

Blood on our Hands: we are each personally responsible for every bomb dropped on Libya (and there were a lot)

Dear Nixon,: wtf is even going on, goddamn, like, even Nixon had the EPA and the ESA as a silver lining

Summer Tips For the Pale and Chubby

Possible Consequences of Burning Down Your ISP (and whether or not it’s worth it)

Burn the Farm: climate change, agricultural conservation, and urban planning in the 21st century

Are You Watching Enough Television? (you’re not)

Handmaid’s Hellscape: women’s bodies are more regulated than guns (wtf)

What Is Chris Christie Even Doing Right Now?

You Should Adopt a Pound Dog (and we should also stop bombing civilians)

You’re Done Here: how to know when it’s time to retire

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Only Mountain Bikers Care About Trails

This is not going to be a popular opinion, but then I guess it’s really more a statement of fact than opinion at all: only mountain bikers care about trails.

And, now, before you start yelling, we should make a few ancillary points clear. Obviously, many more people than mountain bikers use trails, use them very often, and cherish that experience. Many more user groups than mountain bikers participate in trail stewardship projects (though not nearly to the same extent). Land managers, obviously, are charged with caring for trails each and every day of their careers.

I don’t dispute any of this. In fact I point to it with one hand as a scratch my head with the other: how is it that with trails helping to drive the new western economy, with trails as the central draw to our state parks and open spaces, that so few people put any thought into them.

 

An important distinction here is that we are talking about the trails themselves, and not the places they go. Many people care about going to the places that trails go, and are passionate about those experiences. But the trails themselves are apparently binary for most people. Is there a trail or is there not a trail? Is there a lot of trail or not a lot of trail? And that is where the conversation ends in most rooms.

Other users may have opinions about the aesthetics of a trail and where it goes. Is this a pretty place with a view? Are there rock outcroppings that will make me look cool on Instagram? But only mountain bikers ask the question of whether the trail is good.

Does it flow? Is it sustainable? Was it built thoughtfully and carefully? How are the switchbacks? Many users care that trails exist, and some feel strongly about where they go. But it is only mountain bikers that care deeply how they are made. It is only mountain bikers who care for the gentle nuance of how a path lays across the contours of a hillside, and how the tread surface will grow and change and evolve. Only mountain bikers care about the trails themselves.

This is not a slight to other trail users. As mountain bikers we understand that you do not. But we do, humbly, ask that when we speak about trails, you consider listening. Because we’ve spent a lot of time on this. Trails are expensive and time consuming to build, and when done wrong can scar a landscape or create a lifetime of ongoing maintenance.

But when done right they can save a timber town’s economy, and build healthy communities. They can be sustainable and require almost no annual upkeep and they can inspire armies of volunteers to make that work cost nothing. They can be really goddamn fun.

All it takes is someone who really cares.

Trail Etiquette

If you get out and enjoy public land, hunting, fishing, using trails, or whatever, you’ve probably had an overwhelmingly positive experience. America’s public land legacy really is one of the best things about this country, and against a backdrop of an emerging police state that keeps stolen children in cages, it stands out even more.

Foreign and domestic policy in this country is quickly fitting the dictionary definition of “blowing it,” but somehow public land protections are emerging as a silver lining of bipartisan progress. Now, don’t get me wrong, I would never say that we’re not blowing it. Our climate “policies” are the least funny jokes outside of an Adam Sandler movie. This Administration’s forestry and energy directives seem to be convinced that the year is 1884. And there is an ongoing, and increasing threat of privatization of America’s west.

But at the same time we just permanently reauthorized the Land and Water Conservation Fund, which is our strongest conservation tool. We’ve passed large scale conservation and public access bills nationally. And public lands have emerged as a unifying issue for the left and the right. Hunters and hippies, united at last.

Please don’t booby trap trails should probably be included in any etiquette guide, I guess?

It turns out people love to go outside, and will actually vote about it when you tell them they can’t. This is great. Outside is where we go to recharge our batteries, and have fun, and be alone for a while. Outside is important, and it’s worth going to the mats for.

Of course if everyone is outside, at some point they’re going to have to see one another, even though sometimes the whole point is not to see anyone at all. When this happens, you would be forgiven for thinking that folks who see other folks doing pretty much the same thing with their disposable time would more or less get along. And oh boy would you be wrong.

It turns out that even though spending time on public land is the great common denominator of the American West, we can still spend our entire lives fighting about it. Complaining about trail use and etiquette is now the most popular use of public land in four states*, if you can believe that.

And there are a lot of schools of thought behind how to deal with this. Some merry bands of misanthropes would modestly propose that if we would all simply recreate the exact same way that they recreate, then everything would be fine. Others prefer a rigid, bureaucratic flow chart for each trail user to keep in their pockets and reference when encountering another user.

I would like to propose a third way, wherein we recognize that we are different, and all just try to be nicer to each other**.

The reality as that most anxiety around public land and recreation management is rooted in narcissism. Consider your own behavior. When you’re out on the trails, do you expect that you won’t see anyone else (looking at you, headphones people)? Do you feel like the way you enjoy outside is more pure, more rooted in heritage, or somehow better than another way of enjoying outside? Do you define the best use of a place in terms of your own experiences? Think about that.

I mean, I don’t like seeing people out there either. That’s a big part of going out there. To be alone. To be small. To be shocked from our daily status quo of bustling, and competing with the Joneses, or whatever. But the whole point of wide open spaces is to remind ourselves that not everything is about us. In the era of Strava, and Instagram, and self-righteous letters to the editor, that is easy to lose.

So get out there. Have fun. Try not to be a dickhead. And let’s build a tradition of trail etiquette from there.

 

*this is a made up fact.

** this may also work in other places, such as when driving, talking to customer service employees, and on the internet

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America Hates Bikes

America hates bikes, which is remarkable, really, because of how much Americans love them. In this, the land of the free, the bicycle represents our first taste of true freedom as children. A bicycle is an archetype for the perfect Christmas gift, and it evokes nostalgia for late summer evenings with friends, beyond the watchful eye of our parents. LeBron put it best: “it was a way of life. If you had a bike it was kind of a way to let go and be free.”

The truth is unambiguous: bicycles make for happier, healthier people. They improve urban quality of life. And they (along with trees) are pretty much the only tool we have to actually slow climate change. Bicycle commuting increased 60% in the last decade, and mountain bike sales are growing at 10% annually. People are into it; that is rad.

And so it is a shame that cyclists on the road rank somewhere between a squirrel and a dog, and according to a recent Australian study, a bit more like a cockroach. The study found that road rage toward cyclists grew from the instinctual response that people on bikes are something less than human.

This phenomenon is born out beyond the lizard brains of car commuters. In this country there is a long tradition of killing a cyclist with your car and going home to make dinner. Murder appears to be quite legal in America, as long as you kill a cyclist with a car and apologize.

 

“Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of riding a bike.” – President John F. Kennedy, before he was shot

 

Beyond regular, open aggression from motorists cyclists regularly conform to a transportation infrastructure designed to exclude them. Post-war planning directed interstate highways from the urban job centers to the distant culs-du-sac of the suburbs, so that white folks could hold good jobs but wouldn’t have to live near the scary black people.

This has gutted cities (and laid the foundation for urban displacement 2.0). It has created a reality that a car is necessary to commute to work, buy groceries, and get kids to school in much of the country – even in relatively high-density neighborhoods where things aren’t that far apart.

To suggest that we should reinvest in livable cities and sustainable transportation? Blasphemy, apparently. In the face of being unambiguously the right thing to do, bicycle infrastructure is the bane of mid-sized newspaper comment threads across the country and at the heart of my personal favorite conspiracy theory: that the UN’s initiative to improve global transportation efficiency (Agenda 21) is a Trojan Horse to establish a New World Order, impose Sharia law, establish a blue helmet occupying force, and, you know, definitely, come take all of our guns.

In spite of overwhelming evidence about the benefits (ecological, social, economic) of bicycle infrastructure and the recent enthusiasm for bicycling by Americans, America won’t have it. Get those bikes off the road!

Ghost bikes at a single intersection in New Orleans.

Interestingly, at the same time that bicyclists are intimidated from American roads they are increasingly barred from American trails and forests. Over the last ten years and in Montana alone, cyclists have been excluded from about a 1,000 miles of trails where they have cherished access, contributed to stewardship, and pursued conservation solutions for decades.

In front country conversations, like where mountain biking drives rural economies left behind by boom and bust extractive industry, vitriol toward cyclists is more violent than the lawsuits in Montana. In California and Colorado, reports of booby traps and tripwires that target mountain bikers are becoming commonplace. The road rage and coal rolling that undermines widespread bike commuting is making its way to the trails just as mountain biking is being widely embraced as the best way to build confidence and healthy lifestyles in the smartphone generation.

The reality is that people love bikes because they’re fun to ride. The fact that they’re intuitive solutions for our economic, health, and environmental woes is an added bonus, and one that doesn’t carry obvious downsides. The only hope now, is that America will catch up with Americans.

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NPR Member Gifts for the 21st Century

We at National Public Radio are humbled, as always, to welcome you each morning with the up-to-date news, weather reporting, and children’s programming that you need to start each day on the right foot. At NPR we know that you cherish the news that matters most to you, and our giving members are truly our lifeblood since public funding ended.

Here at NPR we live to showcase the compelling storytelling that makes you tick for a full month each year. We’re just a few pledges shy of our goal, and on pace to end this pledge drive some time in December. So please, consider giving today with a one time or monthly sustaining gift to your local public radio station, as we transmit from an underground bunker in an undisclosed location.

Remember that even a small gift can help us tell the stories that matter most, and we can’t wait to send you one of our member gifts for your contribution.

For just one Amazon Credit, a sustainably raised, fair-trade leather strap to bite down on through this primary season.

For the small, one time gift of two Amazon Credits, this organic cotton NPR tote bag will look great and show your public radio pride at the Amazon Commissary Farmers’ Market Park, and sports a hidden pocket for smuggling documents and passports from Canada. Available in classic beige or sassy navy.

A monthly sustaining gift of 0.5 Amazon Credits will let you hide in plain sight. This organic cotton reversible “PUBLIC RADIO NERD” and “MAKE AMERICA GREAT AGAIN” t-shirt will keep you safe in any neighborhood, once the revolution comes.

If you give the small gift of 3 Amazon Credits today, this vacuum sealed Klean Kanteen travel water bottle with built-in ultraviolet purifier will let you drink the tap water.

Of course all gifts are recognized with a “Wait Wait….. Don’t Tell Me! No, Really, Please Stop Telling Me What’s Happening Out There!” keychain and bottle opener.

And right now, for a limited time, if you make a pledge by 10pm this evening, we’ll send you an NPR branded grappling hook to show your support for public radio as you scale the wall and escape to Mexico.

Now is the time. We hope you’ll consider making a gift today to keep the programming going, you’ve been listening for years….. right? Is someone listening? Please pledge today. Or send food. Or let us know you’re out there. Someone. Anyone?

Signing off. We’ll try again tomorrow.

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