Things I Worry About

Am I doing this right?

What’s that guy’s problem?

When is that novel going to get written? Will it write itself? Shit. Will someone else write it?

Where do the leftover Cadbury Eggs go in May? The landfill? Or is there a warehouse somewhere?

Is it heroism or cowardice to eschew post-war values and retire/expatriate/flee to some third world beach community?

Was I rude to that barista? I didn’t mean to be, but maybe I was? Should I go apologize? What if I wasn’t rude? Then is it weird for me to go back? Maybe I’ll just tip extra? But what if she doesn’t see? If you tip extra by way of apology, but the extra tip goes unnoticed, does it count as apology?

What does the dog think of me, really?

Did I blow it?

What’s that sound?

In a decade what will I regret? What does it say that I’m motivated by hypothetical future-regret? Is that a Millennial thing? Did Instagram do that?

Are we all, unwittingly, together, careening toward a post-enlightenment serf society where wealth is concentrated not among those who own the means of production, but rather the means of automation? Where robot workers and a ballooning population conspire to render a human workforce obsolete, and in our lifetimes we see a worldwide Basic Minimum Income simply for the fact that we at least need some money to keep handing to Jeff Bezos? Or that eventually our (humanity, remember) utility to Captains of Industry will extend beyond their ability to profit from us, and that eventually, in the face of waning natural resources, our only value will be life itself? That our very life energy will be mined to keep the server banks running? And that to avoid a worldwide Socialist/Humanist uprising these Captains of Industry will derive a means to simulate the human experience itself and breed complacency? Or oh shit that that’s already happened? And hang on isn’t that kind of whatThe Matrix is about but even so wtf?

Is that a cavity?

Is the fact that everything has more or less worked out so far evidence that it will continue to do so?

How much is too much? Is enough enough?

What’s that smell?