I’m sorry that I haven’t updated in a while, hopefully this post will be enough to satiate the masses for a time. When I came to Guatemala, I wasn’t really sure what to expect. I knew that Antigua is a fairly tourist heavy town, and that my utter inability to speak Spanish would be inconvenient but not debilitating. I knew that I’m not supposed to drink the water. I knew that I’d probably be a little taller than most people. Generally, I wasn’t surprised by much. My Spanish has, and is continuing to improve, and most people in town speak more English than I speak Spanish. I don’t drink the water. And I am significantly taller than everyone. Sure, there were little nuances that I forgot about, but wouldn’t say surprised me. For instance, not being able to flush toilet paper. Upon further reflection, however, I was a little surprised about the extent to which I’m taller than this entire country. The nation’s infrastructure is designed around a mean height of 4’5″. Which is somewhat inconvenient for me. City buses, for instance, have an inconceivably small amount of leg room. Even the buildings are built on a smaller scale, and I’ve included photographs of a few of the things that I’ve hit my head on so far:
This is the door frame in my bathroom:
Here is the door frame to by bedroom:
Here is the door frame of my other bathroom:
Here is the door frame to my closet:
And my kitchen light:
And my spice shelf:
I’ve hit my head on my curtain rod a number of times:
As well as on my shower head:
And my spice shelf: Really, this is the sort of thing I’m dealing with:
Certainly, I had premonitions of a number of the situations with which I would be met upon arrival to Central America. However, to say that there were no surprises would be something of an exaggeration. Certain features of my apartment illustrate this quite nicely.
For instance, I never expected it to come with a home gym:
Or a Parisian chandelier:
Or a fine North-Asian oil painting:
I can’t but count these surprises as pleasant ones, that contribute to my quality of life on a daily basis. There have been other surprises that have been slightly more disconcerting. A shelf, for example, that seems to have been built from a child’s playhouse door:
It’s possible that this is not, in truth, a child’s door, but actually the door used by a fully grown tiny Guatemalan. This idea is in many ways much, much creepier. The apartment was advertised as furnished, which is indeed the case, and I have also been furnished with a number of ornamental animal skins:
This second piece deserves a more in-depth examination. The fur is accompanied by some sort of alter containing a plastic binder clip, and hand-carved maraca, and what appears to be a broken whitetail mount:
A more rigorous review of the mount, however, reveals that it is not broken, but that only one antler was mounted. And it was done upside down. Only God knows the significance of the binder clip. Perhaps this alter is designed to ward off some ancient curse?
Whoever was responsible for the animal-office alter clearly did not wholly trust their Pagan efforts to keep my humble apartment safe (perhaps from the tiny Guatemalan who’s door was stolen for my desk?), as my toaster is permanently affixed with a statuette of the Virgin Mary:
And, as promised, a video of my neighbor, Bolt:
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Meet Bolt.
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A Rueful Account of the Indignities of Air Travel in the 21st Century.
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