In spite of the tantalizing promise that soon computers will do all of our work and we humans will while away our time here on earth in a state of comfort and leisure, we, today, in this Brave New World still find ourselves with things that need doing and the stresses they bring.
No, ladies and gentlemen, our lot in this life is not to loft in repose and await our judgement. In spite of such time-saving contrivances as “dishwashers” and “automobiles” and “email,” we still spend 40, 50, 60 hours a week setting things up and then knocking them down.
And it’s stressful, sometimes, committing to things and then following through on them. And so I have compiled, dear reader, a few tips from my vault of stress relief techniques to assist you in your journey on this earth.
If and when you are feeling stressed out, try any of these out! They have always worked for me, although your mileage may vary.
- Perpetrate a crime against your Internet Service Provider. They almost certainly have it coming, and it will make you feel better.
- Adopt a puppy. All evidence shows that welcoming a pet into your life can only reduce or eliminate stress.
- Make a habit of relying on reliably unreliable people. This way when you are let down you will not be disappointed. You will be hardened against it.
- Throw a party. Surrounding yourself with friends and loved ones is a sure bet for stress relief. Don’t forget the in-laws!
- Find a good rabbit hole on YouTube. You will be able to forget all of your woes for the 10 hours it will take you to stop looking at FailBlog compilation videos.
- Get really, really drunk. What could go wrong?
- Consider a little perspective. We are a handful of ape-humans hurdling through an infinite universe and carry the burden of being self-aware for the blink of an eye in a naturally absurd world. Your problems do not matter, cosmically. Your joys and sorrows are irrelevant against the fabric of time and space. Everything you hold dear, everyone you love, will very shortly be dead and forgotten – nothing you create is durable at any honest scale. The sum of human experience is a blip in the cosmos, and will be long gone nearly before it began. Feel better?
- If that doesn’t work I guess you can always try the be-all, end-all of stress relief: just cancel something at the last minute. It feels so, so good.
Stereotypes
She comes home from work after a double shift at the hospital. Her back is tired and her feet are swollen, as one might expect ... Read more
Rules of the Road
Summer is fully upon us, now, which means it's time to hit the road. Since its unofficial start this past Memorial Day, Americans coast to ... Read more