Eastern Promises from a President Elect

Welp, here it goes. The world is waiting on pins and needles to see what exactly is going to happen over the coming days and weeks as Donald Trump is inaugurated and his administration begins to take shape. This week represents a dramatic shift in US and World politics, unlike anything we’ve seen since, say, the 16th century. Although to catch a glimpse of what an unchecked Trump Presidency might look like, there is one other modern country that embraces his leadership style.

There is one country that always seems to overplay its hand. One country that has thrown caution to the wind and completely adopted a bull-in-the-china-shop approach to diplomacy. One country that is consistently viewed from afar as irrational, insane, and stupid, but keeps on keeping on day after day. There is one country that is continually dismissed and underestimated, but which has bluffed its way to a seat at the adults table. One country which, in the face of more or less global opposition, has staged three nuclear weapons tests in the last decade.

Donald Trump’s campaign has much more in common with North Korean leadership than terrible hair. It’s not a stretch to think that he’ll use a similar strategy as leader of the free world.

Republican presidential candidate Donald Trump acknowledges the crowd as he walks onstage for a rally at the Surf Ballroom in Clear Lake, Iowa, Saturday, Jan. 9, 2016. (AP Photo/Patrick Semansky)
(AP Photo/Patrick Semansky) – photoshop work uncredited

This warrants a look at North Korean policy with the premise that the Kims are not fundamentally insane, but that the Madman (Petulant Child?) With A Bomb visage is carefully curated. North Korean leadership is, at the end of the day, acting in their own best interest by keeping the Pacific Rim in a perpetual risk of nuclear war.

Korea’s nuclear gambit pays off in both foreign and domestic policy, and we’ve already seen Trump borrow a play or two.

  • Domestic Policy – A state of impending war has, for centuries, bought any national leadership a bit of leeway with their constituency1. It whips up nationalist fervor, hardens The People to outside propaganda and information wars, and breeds a kind of stoicism to national shortages of things like food and energy.
  • Foreign Policy – By projecting an image of nuclear equipped insanity, North Korea has insulated itself from invasion. In 2003 President Bush identified North Korea, Iran, and Iraq as the “Axis of Evil.” We saw how that played out. American policy has, for a few decades at least, been to undermine or topple foreign governments2 that are both a) unfriendly to American interests, and b) unable to do anything about it. North Korea’s commitment to nuclear development and putative willingness to deploy those weapons has dramatically reduced the risk of Normandy East.

Now, does capitalizing on nationalist fury and my-way-or-the-highway negotiating to win power sound familiar? Donald Trump was never going to win an election based on his policy chops or command of the issues, but his willingness to kick over the checkers board resonated with an electorate that has grown cynical about neo-Liberal policies.

Importantly, the weekly gaffes and Twitter tirades that have typified the past year are not the random ravings of a madman, but a clearly effective strategy for overplaying his hand.

Looking forward to a Trump administration, it’s hard to imagine a change in tactics.

Part of North Korea’s success relies on a robust propaganda machine and controlled messaging. We see this at home in Trump’s efforts to fundamentally dismantle the concept of truth through fabricated news and a prolonged assault on the news media. His efforts to expand libel laws and weaken the First Amendment indicate a real move toward weakening legitimate journalism and strengthening his own propaganda apparatus.

Bluster like a Mexican border wall and weakening NATO works in two ways. It appeals to latent racism (white nationalism) that has been ignored by mainstream politics for a long time (but is clearly still central to the American Identity), and erodes global confidence that the world’s largest economy and military will act in a predictable way.

And the thing is, it’ll probably work. In the same way that Trump actually (sort of) won the Presidency and that North Korea still hasn’t been invaded by some Coalition of Willing partners, this approach to government really may benefit the US in the short term.

If we’re willing to drill for oil in National Parks, we’ll see an uptick in jobs. If we’re willing to upend a century of diplomacy, we’ll probably see concessions from our allies. If we’re willing to ignore the idea that some things are true and other things are not, then we’ll certainly be able to believe that our own Dear Leader has our best interest in mind, and that we really are great again.

The question, then, is what we’re willing to give permanently in order to believe that we’re doing better now.

 

1Of course this has also been a cornerstone of US foreign policy since at least the 1950s, although we’ve selected wars on ideologies (like Communism, Drug Culture, and Terrorism) rather than anything actually defeatable to prolong the uncertainty.
2 Iran, Syria, Guatemala, El Salvador, Lebanon, Cuba, Congo, Nicaragua, Grenada, Panama, Dominican Republic, Vietnam, Brazil, Chile, Iraq, Afghanistan, Libya, Syria again, etc. – Any I forgot? Leave ’em in the comments!

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Logical Fallacies of Facebook

Woo! OK!” she said. I couldn’t agree more.

Here we are, in our offices and in front of our desks, on the first work day after the first Presidential debate of the 2016 election. Ho man. If you’re anything like pretty much anyone else on earth, you’re probably spending at least a third of your time on Facebook, watching the pinging back and forth between your “Bernie or Bust” college roommate and your redneck uncle who’s stockpiling weapons somewhere in the Idaho panhandle.

Yessirree, it’s going to be a wild few months on the ‘ol social media as the Great American Experiment grinds through the electoral process and millions of armchair analysts freshen their coffee, turn on CAPS LOCK, and fire away into the cloud.

It can get confusing out there, in your Facebook newsfeed. There’s yelling. There are hyperlinks to plain HTML websites with black backgrounds as citations. People keep telling you you hate the troops and you’re going to hell and all you really want is an affordable way to go to college. What gives?

raffael-plato
“First of all, you’re fucking crazy.” – Plato

At work in this country is our communal failure to properly identify and avoid logical fallacies in the pursuit of our civic process. And so to help streamline things a little bit, I’ve picked out a few that you should keep an eye out for.

The Logical Fallacies of Facebook:

a user’s guide to dealing with your redneck uncle and whackjob aunt so you can all still enjoy Thanksgiving together in a few months

The False Equivalency – falsum ex condigno – This is a big one. Maybe the main one. It stems from establishing an incorrect premise on which an argument is built. Think about it this way: if you were baking a cake, and you ran out of ingredients, but then you remembered hearing in a presidential debate that vegetable oil and motor oil are interchangeable, your cake would make a lot of people sick. This kind of confusion happens a lot.

One of the most damaging false equivalencies that keeps rearing its head is the notion that science is science, and therefore all science is equal. We see this across fields. Whether folks are arguing that Creationism is just as scientifically valid as Evolution, or that climate change is somehow not a thing, or that some bar chart that the Drudge Report shared is as rigorous as a peer reviewed and published statistical analysis of police violence against minorities.

Because that’s the thing about science. It’s tricky. Which is why we have scientists who do it for us. And just to make sure those scientists don’t get all fast and loose, we have other scientists check their work through a process called peer review. So when it gets through that, you can be pretty sure it’s legit.

We rely on scientists to do our science for the same reason that we elect politicians, and go to doctors, and have people with tattoos make our coffee. It’s so that we don’t have to figure out how to do it ourselves. Multi-level Bayesian analysis and crafting policy and negotiating arms deals with Iran is confusing. We hire people to do that for us so that we can follow our true calling: cranking beers and yelling at each other on the internet.

The Appeal to Nature – appellare ad naturam – And while we’re talking about science, the notion that something is “natural” is not a valid argument for why it is right. Vaccinate your damn kids.

The Anecdotal Fallacy – anecdotal fallacia – I had a roommate once tell me that he never wears a seat belt because his father has been in three rollover collisions without a seat belt and every time he was thrown to safety. You can file this in the same place as the story that thousands of Muslims in New Jersey cheered as the towers came down: it is, at best, irrelevant, and pretty much guaranteed to be made up bullshit anyway.

The Bandwagon Approach – argumentum ad populum – “A lot of people are saying [insert claim here].” This one should be obvious. Cite your damn sources. Real ones. Not that fifth-page-Google-results tripe that just links to Alex Jones blogs if anything at all.

The Irrelevant Conclusion – ignorantio elenchi – This is another big one, and  you see it a lot in debates, both televised and unfolding on the wall of an unsuspecting gradeschool classmate that you haven’t seen or spoken to in nearly two decades. It’s sort of like saying “I have a pet duck, therefore your car is purple.”

Keep a close eye out for Straw Man (changing or oversimplifying an opponent’s argument so that it’s easier to refute) and Red Herring (changing the subject because your point doesn’t actually make any sense and you don’t want to talk about it anymore) arguments, and remember that neither of them are characters on Game of Thrones.

Appeal to Improper Authority – argumentum ad verecundium – “CALL SEAN HANNITY! ASK HIM!”

Remember, the employment if these fallacies is not crafty debate technique. It just makes you look ignorant and uninformed. So study up, cite your sources, and don’t be afraid to change an opinion when faced with compelling evidence that refutes it!

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Donald Trump and Diet Coke

Consider, for a moment, the following photograph:

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I suppose that you see a glass of soda (pop? coke?), sitting on a wooden pedestal. A background of brick and sunkissed glass in the background, it’s a picture of summer evenings and sweet things quenching your thirst.

I, however, must disagree. Instead we are looking at the truest analogy we have for the Donald Trump candidacy.

Take, for instance:

The Old-Timey Patriotism – The glass itself is an ode to an older time. When war meant killing Nazis and coming home to a dame and a factory job and house from GI Bill. The glass is blazed with Red, White, and Blue, promising to spirit to your lips the best of America. It invokes the days when America was Great. With ticker-tape parades and jingoism. The shape of the glass is even a classic, harking to the good old days of Brokaw’s Greatest Generation. Its silhouette alone is the sum of our nostalgia for grainy John Wayne films and Ballpark Franks. The glass alone seems to be screaming “Let’s Make American Great Again!”

The Homage to a Craft – In America, we used to make things. Like machines. And beer. And diabetes. And here, to appease our yearning for an era of production, is blazed upon that glass’s curves is something we can all agree on: “Take pride in your beer.” And who wouldn’t take pride in their beer? Who wouldn’t like to see America great? It’s a statement so banal that to raise an eyebrow is akin to treason.

And yet, hidden in the glare of the setting sun, is the signature of a registered trademark. Yessirree, this here token of American exceptionalism is the intellectual property of one REDACTED Brewing Company. This simple statement is more than an affirmation of good faith. It’s the cynical commercialization of what we all hold dear – not so different from a TRUMP steak or the $25 Bling H2O available in Trump Hotels.

The Bait and Switch – Of course the glass that proclaims “Take pride in your beer®” holds no beer at all. The glass we see came filled, not with the bounty of fermented grain, but with a mass produced vacuum bag of sugarwater. Cynical branding aside, it’s the bait-and-switch. The glass promises the fruits of America’s heartland and delivers cheaply manufactured fluff. What’s more Trumpian than that?

I’ll tell you what’s more Trumpian. The double bait and switch. That there soda is a Diet. The promise to “Take pride in your beer®” can’t even deliver real corn syrup. How will it build a wall?

The Glass Half Full – And so we’re left looking at a half-full glass of unnaturally colored liquid, and we’re not really sure of what it’s made of. Sounding familiar? Well, you may have noticed that I said half-full. That’s pretty optimistic. Maybe it’s half empty?

Nope.

Take another look at the glass. The geometry of the thing, the bulbous top and narrow bottom mean that it’s not even nearly half full. And when you consider that most of it there is icy cold filler, not much substance, then the glass barely holds anything at all.

The more we look at the photo, the less it looks like a cool drink on a hot summer night. Even the condensation on the glass evokes the campaign team sweating as the new poll results roll in. It seems more like we’re looking at a cynically branded, disingenuous homage to the American Greatness of a time we never knew. It’s a bulbous, diaphoretic, discolored poison trying to emulate a flavor that is, for better or worse, a part of our shared heritage. Its substance is bloated by coldness, so that what seems to be a half-full lesser evil is hardly more than a few drops of sticky moisture.

A few drops of sticky moisture. Please try to remember that phrase when you’re alone in the booth, and think about how uncomfortable it makes you feel.

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I Can’t Not Talk About Brexit

Imagine, for a moment, that you are on an airplane for a long flight. You occupy the middle seat in the last row, and it’s one of those funny regional jets where the last row doesn’t have a window at all. You are adjacent to the lavatory, and between a morbidly obese couple who is eagerly trading cell phones across your lap so that they can fawn over their cats, whom they miss dearly. The cats are hairless.

You mutter under your breath that you might prefer it if the plane just crashed. It is an objectively unpleasant experience, this flight, and under normal circumstances you’d readily be forgiven for you exasperated hyperbole.

Except that in this allegory a flight attendant overhears your discontent. He rushes to the cabin and alerts the pilot and co-pilot to what you just said. They discuss the topic briefly before they throw up their hands and concede that The Customer Is Always Right. Then they take hold of the stick, turn off autopilot, and crash the plane into the nearest mountainside.

That shit just happened in the UK.

The world is abuzz with the news of the British exit (Brexit) from the European Union. You’d have to live in a pretty deep hole to have missed this, and so I’ll spare you the details and point you toward a real journalist’s summation of what’s going on if you’re still a little hazy.

Instead, I’d like to point out a few observations that I’ve made over the last few days.

The Wrong Side of the Bed – My favorite thing about world politics is how large and far reaching the ramifications of every conversation, dispute, and sleight tend to be. It can be a bit overwhelming, but it’s also a beautiful context for how small the rest of our problems are.

Only have $40 to your name? Just caught your spouse having sex with the neighbor? Just caught your spouse having sex with the neighbor’s dog? Doesn’t matter! Right now Jeremy Corbyn is having a shittier day than you are. I guarantee it. Any time I’m feeling stressed out, or flustered, I like to think to myself, “This sure is shitty, but at least negotiating a Syrian ceasefire isn’t on my plate today.” Try it some time; it helps!

jeremy-corbyn
This is the face of a man whose day is going worse than yours. Take solace in that.

Call It Like You See It – The Brexit vote was sold to The People (happy to be fact checked by someone who lives there . . .) on two main principles: first, that Britain has been hemorrhaging cash to the EU that should instead be spent on healthcare, and second, that the EU’s stance on trade and labor has opened the floodgates of needy immigrants who are just coming over the channel to steal jobs and welfare. Now that the referendum actually passed (more on that later), there seems to be some backpedaling going on.

Independent of truth, the campaign certainly worked. And I can’t help but notice that the Brexit campaign, a resurgence of ultra-nationalist parties in France, the Netherlands, and Norway, and the Cruz/Trump Twat Caucus have all risen in the polls as the Arab Spring has fizzled and Middle Eastern political stability has fallen into shambles. Just as many millions of displaced Muslim refugees are flowing out of Iraq and Syria, far right political parties are exacerbating latent Islamophobia throughout the slums of disenfranchised whitefolk and riding that momentum to the highest offices of government.

While the TEA Party, the Leave camp, and Marine Le Pen’s cronies all have different official platforms, a common denominator is palpable: Islam is scary. Not to paint with too broad a brush, but the whole Far Right Renaissance just kind of reeks of Busch League racism to me.

But shit. How much trouble can you really get into with banal racism and ultra-nationalist ideology? It’s probably not that big a deal.

Can We Get a Mulligan? – The Brexit vote presented a perfect storm that combined the most honest, brute force method of democracy, the referendum (where there are no pesky parliamentary middlemen to read the fine print – the will of the people is effected directly), with a largely uneducated populace who was so disillusioned with the democratic process that they truly believed their votes didn’t count.

Seventy percent of British voters, including a majority of the people who asked to leave the EU, didn’t think that the referendum would pass. Let that sink in for a moment. Many people (3 million at last tally) want a do-over now that the ballots have closed and they’ve made time to Google what the heck the EU is, anyway.

I don’t bring this up to poke fun at our unhappy ideologues across the pond. It’s easy to forget that we’re on the cusp of a similarly outrageous decision right here in the Best Goddam’ Country On Earth. Please do try to remember this November that every single thing about Donald Trump is a joke except for the fact that he really is the Republican Presidential Nominee. (That’s actually a joke about the Republican Party.) Hillary Clinton may not be a perfect candidate, but there are no mulligans on Presidential Elections.

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