It’s not even a particularly bad day at work. The morning’s coffee was hot, strong, and copious, your coworkers flooded the office with superfluous Easter candy, and the Great Paperwork Carousel is cycling through more or less smoothly. It’s a Monday, which everyone always complains about because it’s lame to like your job, but you don’t really see what the big deal is and just had a nice, relaxing weekend. And then you decide you want one more coffee.
So you head next door to the coffee store and it’s there that you see him. You know the type. You may even know the exact guy. Late 20’s, unshaven, wearing a cardigan he got in Peru. Reading a book, a real paper book, with pages, not a Kindle or something, probably Turgenev, or Pound, or some unbearably pretentious thing, but just sitting there, at two o’clock in the afternoon on a Monday, just sipping an espresso and reading a book, and you think to yourself, “ugh fine you’re right maybe I should just go get an MFA.”
It’s an easy trick to fall for.
He looks great, all relaxed and Bohemian. You are jealous at first, and then remember that you, too, can live in the lap of luxury: take a sick day, and just, like kick it. This is not a New Year’s Resolution, because New Year’s Resolutions are stupid, and also because it’s April. But yeah, you should take a sick day when you’re not.
And to be clear, this is not a sick day to go skiing (also a good idea), or a sick day because you went to that AC/DC cover band last night and you’re hungover, or because you’re legitimately mired in some horrifying gastrointestinal morass. This is a sick day to recognize that the premise of the 40 hour work week, that all jobs require the same amount of work, is essentially sick in and of itself, and that as a celebration of that sickness you should go get some Camus (The Plague, or Nausea seem fitting) and read it in public over a handrolled cigarette. In the middle of the afternoon.
This is about your health, remember. And our health, really, like, as a society. And with that said I really should get back to work.
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Excellent post. “Perfect Attendance” is for pussies. Although I must admit, a perfect attendance certificate is the only award I received during the six years i attended John Greenleaf Whittier elementary.
Taking a sick day is cool except when it fucks the guy you work for or the guy that counted on you being there. Try not to stress your team out unless you don’t care. If that’s the case, you might have psycopathic tendencies or you might want to land a different job or retire from the workforce altogether.
But take heat! There must be creative solutions to unscheduled days off that don’t fuck your buddy. How about offering one to him or paying your boss double time for the priveledge. If you really need a mental health day or some free time to puke your guts out, take it. Keep in mind why you took the job in the first place and why the dude hired you. Did you give him the impression you were dependable? New rule: come to work when you feel up to it.
The truth is; people are far more productive when they are happy and well rested. I’m glad you are taking care of yourself. You deserve a raise. Well that was fun. I better get back to my book.