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GoFundMe
Hey there,
My name is Ben, and I’m running this GoFundMe because I’m the sickest person you know. Pretty much, I go around doing sick shit with sick people, and it’s pretty hard to hold down a job when you’re this ill. And this is great, because while you’re just sitting there dying at your “career,” or whatever, you can live vicariously through me while I go to Thailand and pretend I know how to surf.
I was going to do a Patreon thing, you know, for the blog, but then I realized that I would actually have to blog, and sometimes I’m just not really feeling it, you know? You can’t force art. So mostly I’ll throw up some photos on Instagram, and if you throw me some free gear I’ll tag you in the post. I’ve got, like, literally, hundreds, of followers, and they really think I’m rad.
So basically what happened was that I’ve never really done this before but my boy Pippo just got this van and we’re going to go blow up #vanlife in BC and rip trail. It’s going to be sick. You can’t go (job, remember?), but I really want to. So throw me a few bucks and I’ll go in your place.
Incidentally, I also live in the only industrialized country on earth where people regularly go bankrupt from medical bills, so it’s pretty likely that at some point I’ll have one of these things for hospital bills, too. Probably we should get a start on that.
Mahalo, or namaste, or whatever.
b
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Notre Dame
Is it just me or is this passage from the New York Times the perfect analogy for the 21 Century’s impending environmental and economic collapse?
The crowd gasped and cried in horror when the spire fell. “Paris is beheaded,” said Pierre-Eric Trimovillas, 32.
Vincent Dunn, a fire consultant and former New York City fire chief, said that fire hose streams could not reach the top of such a cathedral, and that reaching the top on foot was often an arduous climb over winding steps.
“These cathedrals and houses of worship are built to burn,” he said. “If they weren’t houses of worship, they’d be condemned.”
Couldn’t it just as easily have been written, “‘Yeah, I mean, obviously that was going to happen,’ remarked the expert, as silently sobbing masses could not look away from the disaster.”
Man Flu: what it is, how to diagnose it, and avenues for treatment
DESCRIPTION
Man Flu is an affliction distinct to a specific subset of the male population, and is characterized by prolonged periods of woeful cries, scalding shower naps, and self-pity. Genetic sequencing has not been able to identify at-risk populations, although elevated occurrences of the disease have been observed among men who say things like, “I don’t really get sick,” and “allergies are fake,” and “just rub dirt on it.”
This strain of the flu is associated with subjective anguish that presents as far more serious than objective symptoms suggest is appropriate.
DIAGNOSIS
Man Flu is distinct from other strains of the flu. While influenza can be diagnosed by swabbing for antigens in the patients nose and throat, Man Flu tends to be be self-diagnosed as one of the following: The Black Lung, The Consumption, Plague, The Black Death, etc.
TREATMENT
The first course of treatment, especially in advanced cases of Man Flu, is for the patient to find something more pathetic and impotent than himself to share the couch. A pug serves this role excellently. In fact in many extreme cases the only thing more pathetic and impotent than the patient is a pug, roadkill, or Theresa May.
In the early stages of the ailment, soup is necessary. When congestion presents, the soup should be very spicy. If gastrointestinal symptoms develop there will be side effects, but that is a problem for later.
There is no cure for Man Flu. The only truly effective treatment is to lie on the couch and wallow in self-pity. The baleful moans of the afflicted must be within earshot of roommates and loved ones.
