Have You Not Shot An Elk Yet?

Have you not shot an elk yet? That’s fine, me too. Actually, I’ve never even seen an elk with a weapon in my hands, and I’m starting to think that they don’t even really exist. Or maybe they do, technically, exist, but that they all just file into those FEMA camps we’ve been hearing so much about and just chill there for a few weeks each fall. I bet that’s it. I’m sure it has nothing to do with me as a hunter.

All part of an elaborate hoax.

But hunting is funny. It’s one of those past times where the stated objective (killing another of God’s creatures) isn’t really the point. In fact, it’s almost antithetical to the point. Because remember, after a “successful” hunt, you need to deal with the mess you just made.

You need to walk over to the thing and get your knife out, and then spend what must be hours elbow deep in a bloody, smelly mess. And then you can be sure that critter isn’t going to walk itself back to your Honda Civic, no sirree, you have to carry it. Which, what’s all this about everyone trying to shoot the biggest animal they can? Don’t they know that’s just more weight to carry?

This is all totally missing the whole point of going hunting, which is of course to go sit in the woods and just shut up for a while. You know, to put the phone away for a few minutes and just look around, shiver a bit, maybe have a grouse scare the living hell out of you. The point is to slow down, and really think about not stepping on any sticks. To smell an animal before it sees you and runs away (like it always does), and feel every moment of darkness seep into the evening air. To regroup with your friends and have a beer and laugh at how bad you are at this, but how worthwhile it really is, and then to head home and get warm again.

That’s all.

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